December 1923? Revered Letter level one

Revered
Majesty well, Ive heard all those birds what theyre saying about him but welcome. The Honourable Mr Earwicker, my devout husband, is a true gentleman which is what none of the sneakers ever was or will be because in the words of a royal poet such are born and not made and that he was and it was between Williamstown and Ailesbury road on the long car I first saw the lovelight in his eye. Well, revered Majesty, I hereafter swear he never once sent out the swags with a drop in any but the milk as it came from the cow and all that is invented by M'Grath Bros against that dear man, my honorary husband. If I were only to tell your revered all he said to me was it this time last year & I told Mrs. ?Gra for his accomodation, McGrath Bros, I'm saying and his bacon not fit to look at never mind butter which is forbidden by the eight commandment you shalt not bear false witness against they neighbour. Aha, McGrath, the lies are out on him like freckles, when I think of what he had the face to say about my dearly respected husband, can I ever forget that. Never, so may God forgive McGrath Bros all his trespasses against the Hon Mr Earwicker. If I was only to tell someone I know & they would make a corpse of him with the greatest of pleasure & not leave enough for the peelers to pick up.
There never was any girl in my house expecting trouble out of my noble husband, never, and those two hussies neither was virtuous after the doctor's declaration and whereas the Honourable Mr Earwicker has a very hairy chest a chest which I am the privileged one to see and whereas he is pursuant to that very affectionate for ladies' society I will not have a reptile the like of McGrath Bros to be spreading his lies all round where we live as I simply agree to it, the obnoxious liar, he was fired out of Clune's for giving guff.
I've heard it stated about the military but, did space permit, it is my belief I could show it was to cure the King's evil and I hereinafter swear by your revered majesty that he said in my presence: As there is a God of all things my mind is a complete blank.
Well, revered Majesty, I tender my heartest thanks & regrets for lettering you and I shall close hoping you are in the best of health. I don't care that for him and lies about an experience of mine with a clerical friend. Ask him what about his wife and Mr John Brophy the kissing solicitor. I only wish he wd look in through the letterbox some day. What ho, she bumps. He wd be surprised to see her & Mr Brophy quite effectionate together kissing & looking into a mirror.
So much for the lies that I was treated not very grand by thicks. If any thick goes to pull a gun on me, worse for him he'll know better manners. I will have his head broken by a Norwegian who has been expelled from christianity. I am perfectly proud of Mr Earwicker I tell sneakers and Mr Gainsayer McGrath creeping Christy, back & streaky, ninepence.
(Signed)
Dame Lara Prudence Earwicker
P.S. This will put the tin hat on McGrath [FDV]

all the earlier vignettes are mostly parodies of speaking styles, but here's a distinct parody of a writing style:


Revered
Majesty well, Ive heard all those birds what theyre saying about him but welcome.

(this can't anticipate FW003 "riverrun" since ALP isn't even ALP yet)

why the linebreak between "Revered" and "Majesty"? and why the uncapitalised "well" followed by a comma?

missing apostrophes = Molly/Nora

"birds" = the seabirds' song in T&I3 attacks King Mark, whose unfaithful fiancee Isolde is being kissed by Tristan, but here ALP is defending her husband HCE to an unnamed king regarding gossipy accusations

"but welcome" flustered forgets manners?
"welcome" embrace the slanders? (cf?? U55: "Might meet a robber or two. Well, meet him.")

sequence of honorifics, mostly slight variations on "your Revered Majesty" and "The Honourable Mr Earwicker":
Revered Majesty
The Honourable Mr Earwicker, my devout husband
revered Majesty
that dear man, my honorary husband
your revered
my dearly respected husband
the Hon Mr Earwicker
my noble husband
the Honourable Mr Earwicker
your revered majesty
revered Majesty
Mr Earwicker


FW2: "Revered. May we add majesty? Well... was really so denighted of this lights time. Mucksrats which bring up about uhrweckers they will come to know good. Yon clouds will soon disappear looking forwards at a fine day."


The Honourable Mr Earwicker, my devout husband, is a true gentleman which is what none of the sneakers ever was or will be because in the words of a royal poet such are born and not made and that he was and it was between Williamstown and Ailesbury road on the long car I first saw the lovelight in his eye.

the UK has a mess of rules about when "The Honourable Mr" is allowed
"devout" should conventionally be 'devoted'
"which is what"
"the sneakers" = birds (and Waves? and Adam/snake? soon McGrath)
John Ball: 'When Adam delved and Eve span, who was then a gentleman?' (in his famous sermon to the rebels of the Peasants' Revolt of 1381)

"royal poet" Poet Laureate? bard?
"born and not made" untraceable?
"and that he was" a born gentleman

Merrion Road and Ailesbury Road intersect just north of Williamstown, Dublin [streetview now] a little south of Sandymount strand


"long car" presumably a nicer-than-usual tram? cf 1914 long/short seating diagrams

'the lovelight in your eye' ♬ 1843 Irish Emigrant's Lament

(is there a traceable mental leap here, from gentleman to lovelight?)

FW2: "The honourable Master Sarmon they should be first born like he was... and it was between Williamstown and the Mairrion Ailesbury on the top of the longcar... we think of him looking at us yet as if to pass away in a cloud."


Well, revered Majesty, I hereafter swear he never once sent out the swags with a drop in any but the milk as it came from the cow and all that is invented by M'Grath Bros against that dear man, my honorary husband.

"hereafter" should be 'hereinafter'
i can't find any use of "swags" for persons
VI.B25.157: "swags"
Australian: a tramp's (swagman's) pack of belongings
an obscure London nuance

what might he have "sent out"? hotel/pub guests? employees? beggars? packaged lunches?

"milk" HCE sells dairy products?
is there an accusation he gave them alcohol?
Isolde called Mark a "milkless ram"
"milk as it came from the cow" legal phrase exonerating dairyman (may be good or bad milk)

McGrath [fweet-6] pronounced muhGRAW in Ireland (is 'Bros' ever pronounced 'brahs'?)
"M'Grath Bros" (sisters treated as singular by Mamalujo)

Daniel McGrath: grocer, wine merchant and publican, 4-5 Charlotte St (from 1889 to 1918) street no longer exists 1909
some other Dublin grocers named McGrath

song 'Master McGrath' ♬ (commemorates Irish greyhound winning Waterloo Cup in 1869) 

"devout... honorary" pattern of malapropisms

FW2: "...the man what never put a dramn in the swags but milk from a national cowse... Sneakers in the grass, keep off! If we were to tick off all that cafflers head, whisperers, for his accomodation, the brothers me craw namely"


If I were only to tell your revered all he said to me was it this time last year & I told Mrs. ?Gra for his accomodation, McGrath Bros, I'm saying and his bacon not fit to look at never mind butter which is forbidden by the eight commandment you shalt not bear false witness against they neighbour.

'your revered majesty' very rare?!
"this time last year" anniversary motif
'for his accommodation' legal phrase
"not fit to look at" usually but not always spoken apologetically by women

Eighth Commandment: 'Thou shalt not bear false witness'

(so Earwicker and McGrath Brothers are neighbors who both sell milk, butter, and bacon?)

FW2: "and their bacon what harmed butter! It's margarseen oil. Thinthin thinthin. Stringstly is it forbidden by the honorary tenth commendment to shall not bare full sweetness against a nighboor's wiles."


Aha, McGrath, the lies are out on him like freckles, when I think of what he had the face to say about my dearly respected husband, can I ever forget that.

"like freckles" a mildly favorable simile
"had the face to" courage or affrontery
"freckles... face"
"dearly respected" not malapropism, for once
"can I ever forget" melodramatic cliche

FW2: "What those slimes up the cavern door around you, keenin, the lies is coming out on them frecklefully, had the shames to suggest, can we ever?"


Never, so may God forgive McGrath Bros all his trespasses against the Hon Mr Earwicker.

'I can never forget... so may God forgive'

FW2: "Never! So may the law forget him their trespasses against Molloyd O'Reilly, that hugglebeddy fann here in my bed now about to get up, the hartiest that Coolock ever! A nought in nought Eirinishmhan called Ervigsen by his first mate. May all similar douters of our oldhame story have that fancied widning!"


If I was only to tell someone I know & they would make a corpse of him with the greatest of pleasure & not leave enough for the peelers to pick up.

"someone I know" cf below "a Norwegian who has been expelled from christianity"
"with the greatest of pleasure" she has friends who'll happily commit murder on her sayso?
"peelers" policemen (after John Peel)
(cf hen with orange peel?)

FW2: "For a pipe of twist or a slug of Hibernia metal we could let out and, by jings, someone would make a carpus of somebody with the greatest of pleasure by private shootings. And, in contravention to the constancy of chemical combinations, not enough of all the slatters of him left for Peeter the Picker to make their threi sevelty filfths of a man out of."


There never was any girl in my house expecting trouble out of my noble husband, never, and those two hussies neither was virtuous after the doctor's declaration and whereas the Honourable Mr Earwicker has a very hairy chest a chest which I am the privileged one to see and whereas he is pursuant to that very affectionate for ladies' society I will not have a reptile the like of McGrath Bros to be spreading his lies all round where we live as I simply agree to it, the obnoxious liar, he was fired out of Clune's for giving guff.

"any girl in my house expecting trouble out of my noble husband" cf Bloom with Mary Driscoll, U-Circe: "He surprised me in the rere of the premises, Your honour, when the missus was out shopping one morning with a request for a safety pin. He held me and I was discoloured in four places as a result. And he interfered twict with my clothing."

"hussies" etymologically from housewife, with connotation of bad manners

"two hussies... hairy chest"
cf HCE2 (Aug?) "Slander, let it do its worst, has never been able to convict that good and great man of any worse impropriety than that of having behaved in an ungentlemanly manner in the presence of a pair of maidservants in the rushy hollow whither nature as they alleged had spontaneously & at the same time sent them both whose testimonies are, if not dubious, at any rate slightly divergent on minor points touching what was certainly an incautious, but at the most, a partial exposure with attenuating circumstances. during an abnormal S Martin's summer."

"neither was virtuous after the doctor's declaration" cf T&I1: "However first and foremost, before testing her triangle to prove whether she was as the newspapers reported a virgo intacta, he asked her whether she had ever indulged in clandestine fornication."

"very affectionate for ladies' society" cf? Cad3 " that fashionable vice preacher to whom sinning society sirens (vide the daily press) at times became so enthusiastically attached"

"reptile" sneak/snake
VI.B25.150: "as I simply agree to it"
Joe Cuffe (fired Bloom for giving lip)
maybe Clery's?
(it's McGrath she's saying was fired)

'Clune' is a common name in Clare (Munster)

FW2: "He possessing from a child of highest valency for our privileged beholdings ever complete hairy of chest, hamps and eyebags in pursuance to salesladies' affectionate company. His real devotes. Wriggling reptiles, take notice! Whereas we exgust all such sprinkling snigs. They are pestituting the whole time neverwithstanding we simply agree upon the committee of amusance! Or would bring above under same notice for it to be able to be seen."

FW2: "About that coerogenal hun and his knowing the size of an eggcup. First he was a skulksman at one time and then Cloon's fired him through guff. Be sage about sausages! Stuttutistics shows with he's heacups of teatables the old firm's fatspitters are most eatenly appreciated by metropolonians. While we should like to drag attentions to our Wolkmans Cumsensation Act. The magnets of our midst being foisted upon by a plethorace of parachutes."


I've heard it stated about the military but, did space permit, it is my belief I could show it was to cure the King's evil and I hereinafter swear by your revered majesty that he said in my presence: As there is a God of all things my mind is a complete blank.

"the military" cf HCE4: "he lay at one time under the ludicrous imputation of annoying Welsh fusiliers in the people's park"

king's evil: scrofula, formerly supposed curable by regent's touch (so did HCE touch a fusilier? to cure himself or the soldier??)

amnesia as innocence?
atheism? = God of all things as blank mind

FW2: "Did speece permit the bad example of setting before the military to the best of our belief in the earliest wish of the one in mind was the mitigation of the king's evils. And how he staired up the step after it's the power of the gait. His giantstand of manunknown. No brad wishy washy wathy wanted neither! Once you are balladproof you are unperceable to haily, icy and missilethroes. Order now before we reach Ruggers' Rush! As we now must close hoping to Saint Laurans all in the best. Moral. Mrs Stores Humphreys: So you are expecting trouble, Pondups, from the domestic service questioned? Mr Stores Humphreys: Just as there is a good in even, Levia, my cheek is a compleet bleenk. Plumb. Meaning. One two four. Finckers. Up the hind hose of hizzars."

FW2: "Whereupon our best again to a hundred and eleven ploose one thousand and one other blessings will now concloose thoose epoostles to your great kindest, well, for all at trouble to took. We are all at home in old Fintona, thank Danis, for ourselfsake, that direst of housebonds, whool wheel be true unto loves end so long as we has a pockle full of brass. Impossible to remember persons in improbable to forget position places. Who would pellow his head off to conjure up a, well, particularly mean stinkerlike funn make called Foon MacCrawl brothers, mystery man of the pork martyrs? Force in giddersh! Tomothy and Lorcan, the bucket Toolers, both are Timsons now they've changed their characticuls during their blackout. Conan Boyles will pudge the daylives out through him, if they are correctly informed. Music, me ouldstrow, please! We'll have a brand rehearsal. Fing! One must simply laugh. Fing him aging! Good licks! Well, this ought to wake him to make up. He'll want all his fury gutmurdherers to redress him. Gilly in the gap. The big bad old sprowly allsome uttering foon! Has now stuffed last podding. His fooneral will sneak pleace by creeps o'clock, toosday. Kingen will commen. Allso brewbeer. Pens picture at Manshem House Horsegardens shown in Morning post as from Boston transcripped. Femilles will be preadaminant as from twentyeight to twelve. To hear that lovelade parson, of case, a bawl gentlemale, pour forther moracles. Don't forget! The grand fooneral will now shortly occur. Remember. The remains must be kind of removed before eaght hours shorp. With earnestly conceived hopes. So help us to witness to this day to hand in sleep. Of Mayasdaysed most duteoused."


Well, revered Majesty, I tender my heartest thanks & regrets for lettering you and I shall close hoping you are in the best of health.

"lettering" as an active verb is unusual, suggesting bothering with letters

FW2: "Well, here's lettering you erronymously anent other clerical fands allieged herewith."


I don't care that for him and lies about an experience of mine with a clerical friend.

"I don't care that for him" ie, I don't hope he's in the best of health

(cf the cad's wife and the priest?)

FW2: "Well, here's lettering you erronymously anent other clerical fands allieged herewith."

Ask him what about his wife and Mr John Brophy the kissing solicitor.


here's an obscure 'singing solicitor'


I only wish he wd look in through the letterbox some day. What ho, she bumps. He wd be surprised to see her & Mr Brophy quite effectionate together kissing & looking into a mirror.

she means 'mailslot'
'What Ho! She Bumps' ♬

FW2: "Well, here's lettering you erronymously anent other clerical fands allieged herewith. I wisht I wast be that dumb tyke and he'd wish it was me yonther heel. How about it? The sweetest song in the world! Our shape as a juvenile being much admired from the first with native copper locks. Referring to the Married Woman's Improperty Act, a correspondent paints out that the Swees Aubumn vogue is hanging down straith fitting to her innocenth eyes. O, felicious coolpose! If all the MacCrawls would only handle virgils like Armsworks, Limited! That's handsel for gertles! Never mind Micklemash! Chat us instead! The cad with the pope's wife, Lily Kinsella, who became the wife of Mr Sneakers for her good name in the hands of the kissing solicitor, will now engage in attentions. Just a prinche for tonight! Pale bellies our mild cure, back and streaky ninepence. The thicks off Bully's Acre was got up by Sully. The Boot Lane brigade. And she had a certain medicine brought her in a licenced victualler's bottle. Shame! Thrice shame! We are advised the waxy is at the present in the Sweeps hospital and that he may never come out! Only look through your leatherbox one day with P.C.Q. about 4.32 or at 8 and 22.5 with the quart of scissions masters and clerk and the bevyhum of Marie Reparatrices for a good allround sympowdhericks purge, full view, to be surprised to see under the grand piano Lily on the sofa (and a lady!) pulling a low and then he'd begin to jump a little bit to find out what goes on when love walks in besides the solicitous bussness by kissing and looking into a mirror."


So much for the lies that I was treated not very grand by thicks. If any thick goes to pull a gun on me, worse for him he'll know better manners. I will have his head broken by a Norwegian who has been expelled from christianity.

VI.B25.145: "treated not very grand"
"thicks" usually thickets or thickens, maybe thugs or thick-headed ones? (cf "swags" above)

'pulled a gun on' was still an uncommon phrase
she seems unworried she'll actually be shot, confident her bodyguard will protect her
Ibsen? HCE himself? how does she know this enforcer?

cf Cad3: "Treacle Tom passed away painlessly one hallow e'en in a state of nature, propelled into the great beyond by footblows of his last bedfellows, three Norwegians of the seafaring class."

FW2: "That we were treated not very grand when the police and everybody is all bowing to us when we go out in all directions on Wanterlond Road with my cubarola glide? And, personably speaking, they can make their beaux to my alce, as Hillary Allen sang to the opennine knighters. Item, we never were chained to a chair, and, bitem, no widower whithersoever followed us about with a fork on Yankskilling Day. Meet a great civilian (proud lives to him!) who is as gentle as a mushroom and a very attractable when he always sits forenenst us for his wet; while to all whom it may concern Sully is a thug from all he drunk, though he is a rattling fine bootmaker in his profession. Would we were herewith to lodge our complaint on Sergeant Laraseny in consequence of which in such steps taken his health would be constably broken into potter's pance which would be the change of his life by a Nollwelshian which has been oxbelled out of crispianity."

FW2: "Well, our talks are coming to be resumed by more polite conversation with a huntered persent human over the natural bestness of pleisure after his good few mugs of humbedumb and shag. While for whoever likes that urogynal pan of cakes one apiece it is thanks, beloved, to Adam, our former first Finnlatter and our grocerest churcher, as per Grippith's varuations, for his beautiful crossmess parzel."


I am perfectly proud of Mr Earwicker I tell sneakers and Mr Gainsayer McGrath creeping Christy, back & streaky, ninepence.

"perfectly proud" was a fairly recent cliche
gainsayer = against-sayer, contradictor

'Creeping Jesus' ostentatious religious display [wiki]
"Christy" in FW usually alludes to the Christy Minstrels, or once to the lead character in Synge's 'Playboy' [fweet-10]
in 1901 the Christys of Dublin included dairyman brothers

VI.B10.35: "bacon bellies mild cure 1/2 back & streaky, sliced 1/6" Irish Times 16 Nov 1922, 3/7: 'Lipton's Prices Save You Money:... Imported Bacon... Back or Streaky, sliced 1/6... Bellies, Pale, Mild cure 1/2'

FW2: "Well, we simply like their demb cheeks, the Rathgarries, wagging here about around the rhythlms in me amphybed and he being as bothered that he pausably could by the fallth of hampty damp. Certified reformed peoples, we may add to this stage, are proptably saying to quite agreeable deef. Here gives your answer, pigs and scuts! Hence we've lived in two worlds. He is another he what stays under the himp of holth. The herewaker of our hamefame is his real namesame who will get himself up and erect, confident and heroic when but, young as of old, for my daily comfreshenall, a wee one woos.
Alma Luvia, Pollabella.
Ps! Soldier Rollo's sweetheart. And she's about fetted up now with nonsery reams. And rigs out in regal rooms with the ritzies. Rags! Worns out. But she's still her deckhuman amber too."


(Signed)
Dame Lara Prudence Earwicker
P.S. This will put the tin hat on McGrath


(is this 1923 French snippet with "Dame Lara" and 'jurisprudence' somehow relevant??) (('Dama Lara' was once a tribal state in Nigeria))

Issy1 begins "For her prudence she always left the key of her press in the lock of her press, the pen of the inkbottle in the neck of the ink bottle. Never were they lost."
Prudence is a common Irish forename, Lara much rarer

during WWI, J had written parody lyrics "Dooleysprudence" against the British

'put a stop to', 'put a lid on', 'put a cap on' (more common phrases)

WWI slang for steel helmets

December 1923? Revered Letter level two

Alone one cannot know who did it for the hand was fair. We can suppose it that of Shemus the penman, a village soak, who when snugly liquored lived, so

Revered
Majesty well, Ive heard all those birds what theyre bringing it about him and welcome for they will come to no good. The Honourable Mr Earwicker, my devout husband, is a true gentleman which is what none of the sneakers ever was or will be because in the words of a royal poet such are born and not made and that he was and it was between Williamstown and the Ailesbury road on the long car I first saw the lovelight in his eye when he told me to pardon him his true opinion but that I had got a lovely face. That day I thought that I was back in paradise. Well, revered Majesty, I hereafter swear he never once sent out the swags with a drop in them but the milk as it came from the cow like he did and all that is all pure made up by a snake in the grass and his name is M'Grath Bros against that dear man, my honorary husband. If I were only to tell your revered all that caffler said to me was it this time last year & I told Mrs. Tom for his accomodation, McGrath Bros, I'm saying and his bacon not fit to look at never mind butter which is forbidden by the eight commandment thou shalt not bear false witness against they neighbour wife. But I could read him. Aha, McGrath, the lies are out on him like freckles, when I think of what he had the face to say about my dearly respected husband, can I ever forget that. Never, so may God forgive McGrath Bros all his trespasses against the Hon Mr Earwicker. to For two straws tell someone I know & they would make a corpse of him with the greatest of pleasure & not leave enough for the peelers to pick up.
     There never was any girl in my house expecting trouble out of my noble husband, never, I shall bring under your notice, Majesty, those two hussies neither of them was virtuous after the public doctor's declaration out of the lock and whereas the said Honourable Mr Earwicker has a chest very hairy for it to be seen from a child which I am the privileged one to see and whereas pursuant to that very att. for salesladies' society I will not have a reptile the like of McGrath Bros who thinks he's the big noise here to be spreading his dirty lies all round where we live as I simply agree to it, the obnoxious liar! I won't dream of a sausage of his not even for catsmeat & he was fired out of Clune's where he forgot he was only a common floorwalker for giving his guff.
     I've heard it stated about the military but, did space permit, it is my belief I could show it was the wish of his mind to cure the King's evil and I hereinafter swear by your revered majesty that he gave me the price of a bulletproof dress with angel sleeves said in my presence that: As there is a God of all things my mind is a complete blank.
     Well, revered Majesty, I tender my heartest thanks & regrets for lettering you and I shall now close hoping you are in the best. I care that for him and lies about an experience of mine as a girl with a clerical friend. Ask him what about his wife and Mr John Brophy & Son, the kissing solicitor which is enjoying the attention of private dectectives. I only wish he wd look in through his letterbox some day. What ho, she bumps. He wd not say that was a solicitor's business. He wd be surprised to see her & Mr Brophy quite effectionate together kissing & looking into a mirror.
     So much for the sneakery that I was treated not very grand by thicks off Bully's acre. If any of Mister M'Grath's thick goes to pull a gun on me, he'll know better manners. I will complain on them to policesergeant Laracy at the corner of Buttermilk lane & he will have his head well & lawfully broken by a Norwegian who has been expelled from christianity. I am perfectly proud of Mr Earwicker, my once handsome husband; who is as gentle as a woman & he never chained me to a chair since this island was born. I can show anyone the bag of cakes given to me by Mr Earwicker for our last wedding day. Thank you, beloved, for your beautiful parcel. You are always the gentleman. I tell sneakers and Mr Gainsayer McGrath back & streaky, ninepence.
Hoping the clouds will soon dissipate you will enjoy perusal and completely
(Signed)
Her Mark & Seal Dame Lara Prudence Earwicker (valued wife of . . . )
P.S. This will put the tin hat on McGrath [FDV]

cf Mamafesta1/2 summary: "a goodishsized sheet of letterpaper originating from Boston (Mass) of the eleventh of the fifth to dear which proceeded to mention Maggy well and everybody athome is general health well and a lovely face of some born gentleman with a parcel of cookycakes for tea well and must now close a grand funeral Maggy and hopes to hear from with love & four crosses from loving from a [large] looking stain of tea" ("born gentleman" and "Grand funeral" are even later!)







Alone one cannot know who did it for the hand was fair. We can suppose it that of Shemus the penman, a village soak, who when snugly liquored lived, so

"did it" referring back to the hen finding the paper?



Revered
Majesty well, Ive heard all those birds what theyre bringing it about him and welcome for they will come to no good. The Honourable Mr Earwicker, my devout husband, is a true gentleman which is what none of the sneakers ever was or will be because in the words of a royal poet such are born and not made and that he was and it was between Williamstown and the Ailesbury road on the long car I first saw the lovelight in his eye



when he told me to pardon him his true opinion but that I had got a lovely face. That day I thought that I was back in paradise.

(did HCE first meet ALP in a public tram?!)

"back in paradise" ie, babies are in Heaven before their birth?

cf Delivery1? "For it was she who still believed that her face was the best part of her & hoped for"


Well, revered Majesty, I hereafter swear he never once sent out the swags with a drop in them but the milk as it came from the cow like he did and all that is all pure made up by a snake in the grass and his name is M'Grath Bros against that dear man, my honorary husband.

"like he did" odd-- like he sent them out with milk?
"a snake in the grass"


If I were only to tell your revered all that caffler said to me was it this time last year & I told Mrs. Tom for his accomodation, McGrath Bros, I'm saying and his bacon not fit to look at never mind butter which is forbidden by the eight commandment thou shalt not bear false witness against they neighbour wife. But I could read him.

Anglo-Irish/Hiberno-English caffler: contemptible, cheeky little fellow; prankster (from Irish cafaire: prater)

there was a Mrs Tom (Maria) McGrath in 1901, maybe grocer-brothers with William McGrath?

"But I could read him." ie, his lies didn't fool her


Aha, McGrath, the lies are out on him like freckles, when I think of what he had the face to say about my dearly respected husband, can I ever forget that. Never, so may God forgive McGrath Bros all his trespasses against the Hon Mr Earwicker. to For two straws tell someone I know & they would make a corpse of him with the greatest of pleasure & not leave enough for the peelers to pick up.

"For two straws" recent phrase


There never was any girl in my house expecting trouble out of my noble husband, never, I shall bring under your notice, Majesty, those two hussies neither of them was virtuous after the public doctor's declaration out of the lock and whereas the said Honourable Mr Earwicker has a chest very hairy for it to be seen from a child which I am the privileged one to see

"under your notice" legal idiom

George Bernard Shaw wrote a 1909 essay on 'The Doctor's Dilemma' with a section called 'The Public Doctor'

"out of the lock" maybe 'from the dock'?


and whereas pursuant to that very att. for salesladies' society I will not have a reptile the like of McGrath Bros who thinks he's the big noise here to be spreading his dirty lies all round where we live as I simply agree to it, the obnoxious liar!

"the big noise" not usually a person but an event, especially war


I won't dream of a sausage of his not even for catsmeat & he was fired out of Clune's where he forgot he was only a common floorwalker for giving his guff.

phallic symbol
"catsmeat" cf U63: "He shore away the burnt flesh and flung it to the cat."


I've heard it stated about the military but, did space permit, it is my belief I could show it was the wish of his mind to cure the King's evil and I hereinafter swear by your revered majesty that he gave me the price of a bulletproof dress with angel sleeves said in my presence that: As there is a God of all things my mind is a complete blank.

1949

"angel sleeves" = long wide sleeves that hang loose from the shoulder

Well, revered Majesty, I tender my heartest thanks & regrets for lettering you and I shall now close hoping you are in the best. I care that for him and lies about an experience of mine as a girl with a clerical friend. Ask him what about his wife and Mr John Brophy & Son, the kissing solicitor which is enjoying the attention of private dectectives. I only wish he wd look in through his letterbox some day. What ho, she bumps. He wd not say that was a solicitor's business. He wd be surprised to see her & Mr Brophy quite effectionate together kissing & looking into a mirror.

was "I don't care that for him" (!?)
"as a girl" (!? Nora?)


So much for the sneakery that I was treated not very grand by thicks off Bully's acre. If any of Mister M'Grath's thick goes to pull a gun on me, he'll know better manners. I will complain on them to policesergeant Laracy at the corner of Buttermilk lane & he will have his head well & lawfully broken by a Norwegian who has been expelled from christianity.

Bully's Acre [wiki] 1909 map StreetView now

57yo in 1901

also mentioned in U-Circe; widow 'Kate'

Buttermilk Lane, Galway, 1838

I am perfectly proud of Mr Earwicker, my once handsome husband; who is as gentle as a woman & he never chained me to a chair since this island was born. I can show anyone the bag of cakes given to me by Mr Earwicker for our last wedding day. Thank you, beloved, for your beautiful parcel. You are always the gentleman.

Molly liked bdsm erotica

"cakes" is vague, but if they were in a bag they couldn't have been too soft (maybe filling, maybe frosting)

it seems a very modest gift, and it's bizarre she's saving it

"wedding day" anniversary?


I tell sneakers and Mr Gainsayer McGrath back & streaky, ninepence.
Hoping the clouds will soon dissipate you will enjoy perusal and completely
(Signed)
Her Mark & Seal Dame Lara Prudence Earwicker (valued wife of . . . )
P.S. This will put the tin hat on McGrath

Mark = teastain?

January 1924: Revered Letter level four?

    Revered

    Majesty well Ive heard all those muckbirds what they are bringing up about him and they will come to no good. The Honourable Mr Earwicker, my devout husband, and he is a true gentleman who changes his two shirts a day which is what none of the sneakers ever will be because as sings the royal poet their likes must be first born like he was, my devout, and it was between Williamstown and the Ailesbury road I first saw the lovelight in your eyes like a pair of candles on the top of the longcar I think he is looking at me yet as if he would pass away in a cloud when he woke up all of a sweat beside me and told me his true opinion to pardon him golden one, but he dreamt about me I had got a lovely face that day and I simply thought I was back again in paradise lost when all the world was June, love, where us two walked hand in hand.

           Well, revered majesty, I hereafter swear never in his life did my husband send out the swags with a drop of anything in them but milk as it came from the natural cow and that is all a pure makeup by a snake in the grass and his name is McGrath Brothers against that dear man, my honorary husband. If I was to let out to your revered all that caffler whispered to me was it this time last year as I told Mrs Pat for his accomodation McGrath Brothers I'm saying and his bacon not fit to look at never mind butter which is strictly forbidden by the ten commandments thou shalt not unbare your false witness against thy neighbour's wife. Aha, McGrath, the lies is out on him like freckles. But I could read him. When I think what that slime had the shame to suggest about my dearly respected husband can I ever forget that? Never! So may the Lord forget McGrath Brothers for all his trespasses against the Honorary Mr Earwicker. For two straws, yes and less, I could let out to someone I know and they would make a corpse of him with the greatest of pleasure by private shooting and not leave enough of McGrath Brothers for the peelers to pick up.

           Lies! There never was any girl in my house expecting trouble off my esteemed husband never! Those pair of prostitutes that committed all the nuisance, neither of them were virtuous, pursuant to said declaration of their medical officer out of the Lock whereas I shall bring under revered notice the above Honourable Earwicker to possess from a child a chest seemed to none very hairy with eyebrows of same for it to be able to be seen which I am the most privileged to behold and pursuant to same very affectionate after salesladies' company. I will not have a wriggling reptile the like of the McGraths to be sprinkling his lies all around where we live if he thinks he is the big noise here about the prostitutes as I simply agree to it. There, you wurrum, you! I know you now. I would hate to have to say what I think about him. I exgust sneak McGrath, purveyors and Italian warehouseman by royal appointment, wanting to live on me and my noblest husband like a dirty pair of parachutes. I wouldn't dream of a sausage of his to poison a cat and it was in all the Sunday papers about Earwicker's farfamed fatspitters that they were eaten and appreciated by over fifteen thousands of people in Dublin this weekend. The obnoxious liar! First he was a Scotchman at one time and then he was fired out of Clunne's where he was only one of your common floorwalkers for giving guff.

           Moreover I have heard a certain remark stated about setting his bad example before those military but did space permit it is the best of my belief I could show that it was from the earliest wish of his mind to mitigate the King's evil and I hereinafter swear by your revered majesty that it was him gave me the price of my new bulletproof dress with the angel sleeves for my looking about twentyone and he said to my presence in these words : Just as there is a God of all, Livvy, my mind is a complete blank.

           Well, revered, I tender your heartbroken thanks with regrets for lettering you and will now close, hoping you are in the best. I don't care a fig for such and erronymous letter about an experience on the part of me as girl, alleged unpleasant, with a handsome prepossessing clerical friend. How about it! I was young and easy then and my shape admired from the first to feast his eyes on with my sweet auburn hair hanging to my innocent thighs and I can do just as I simply please with them because now it's my own by married women's impropery act. Never mind poor Father Michael now (the Lord reward him!) but chat me instead. If McGrathBrothers could only handle virgins like he used he would simply jump out of his dirty skin. When next you see M.G. ask him what about his wife, Lily Kinsella who became the wife of Mr Sneak, with the kissing solicitor, at present engaging attention by private detectives being hidden under the grand piano to find out whether nothing beyond kissing goes on. Lily is a lady, liliburlero bullenalaw! And she had a certain medicine brought her in a licensed victualler's bottle. Shame! Thrice shame! I only wish he would look in through his letterbox one day and he would not say that that was a solicitor's business. What ho, she bumps! My, he would be so surprised to see his old girl in the hands of a solicitor with Mr Brophy, solicitor, quite affectionate together, kissing and looking into a mirror.

           So much for sneakery talk that I was treated not very grand by the thicks off Bully's Acre. If any of Sully's thicks was to pull a gun on me he will know better manners the way I'll sully him. I will herewith lodge my complaint on him to police sergeant Laracy who does be on the corner of Buttermilk Lane with the Rafferty's nurse and he will take such steps so as to have his head well and lawfully broken in consequence by a Norwegian who has been expelled from christianity.

           Dear Majesty, I hope you are quite well. How are ye all? We are always talking of all of ye in bed. I am anxious myself about ye all. I'm feeling the cold more than I used and has to wear flannels to the skin. To speak truth I was rather put out latterly in my health about the thugs got up for McGrath by Sully. I am advised the waxy is at the present in hospital with palpitations from all he drunk and it's seldom I saw him any other way. That he may never come out but he is a rattling fine bootmaker in his profession. And now whereas I will let all whom it may concern to know that I am perfectly proud of this great civilian, A.L.P. Earwicker, long life to him my once handsome husband who is as gentle as a mushroom to be seen from my improved looks and a greatly attractable when he always sits fornenst me, poor ass, for his wet to resume our polite conversations with Earwicker over lawful business and pleasures when he is after a good few mugs of four ale and shag and he never chained me to a chair or followed me about with a fork on Thanksgiving Day ever since this native island was born and that is why all the police and everybody is all bowing around to me whenever I go out in all directions. Earwicker is a hundred percent human, I tell slysneakers and you, Master McGrath, pale bellies our mild cure, back and streaky, ninepence. I can hereby show whoever likes original bag of one apiece cakes and Adam Findlater's choice figrolls which was given to me when so fondly remembered on occasion of our last golden wedding by Mr Earwicker. Thank you, beloved, for your beautiful parcel. Always the born gentleman can be plainly seen by all from such behaviour.

           Well I simply like their damn cheek for them to go and say about he being as bothered as he possible could. I must beg to contradict in the strongest as indeed I think I may add at this stage in the matter of hearing that he is after his manner and certified of so being quite agreeable deef. I'd give him his answer if he was to dare to say my revered husband was never a true widower in the eyes of the law on consideration of his diseased obsolete inasmuch as the present Mr Earwicker Esquire has often given said deponent full particulars answering to description of the late diseased in dear delightful twilit hours when this truly timehonoured man is a great warrant to play slapsam and population peg and Sally Shortclothes when he can proudly hold his own always whilst we frankly enjoyed more than anything the secret workings of nature (thank heaven for it, I humbly pray!) and was really so delighted of the nice time. Who would stoop to argue with a particularly mean stinker called McGrath Brothers. If I am credibly informed cannonballs is the only true argument with a low sneak. Ping! Ping! Hit him again! Ping! That ought to make him hop it. Ha! Ha! Ha! I must simply laugh. Sneak McGrath has stuffed his last black pudding. 3.p.m. Wednesday. Grand funeral by torchlight of McGrath Brothers. Don't forget. His funeral will now shortly take place. Remains must be removed before 3 sharp. R.I.P.

            Well, revered majesty, I take this liberty of cherishing expectations that the clouds will soon dissipate looking forward to the fine day we had and will now conclude above epistle with best thanks and my thousand blessings for your great kindest and all the trouble to took for self and dearest of husbands who I'll be true to you unto life's end as long as he has a barrel full of Bass with love to Majes and all at home in the earnest hopes you will soon enjoy perusal of same most completely.

           So help me witness to this day to my hand and mark from your revered Majesty's most duteous I remain

        Your affectionate
               Dame Anna Livia Plurabelle Earwicker
               (Only lawful wife of A.L.P. Earwicker)

    N.B. This simply puts the tin hat on M.G. [cite]